The beginning of the song is massively discordant, and seems to flip from mood to mood, throwing in instruments randomly. The piano was disjunctive from the rest of the song, and the synth at the beginning was way too aggressive.
However, there is potential for a great instrumental in there. Break it up into 6 parts: intro, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, outro. Place the weird and odd noises (strings, cowbell?, reversed synth?) in the bridge. Keep a consistent beat throughout the song, maybe pausing every now and then to remove the hat and bass drum. Establish a kickass melody for the verses and melody and add a bass and you have a hit.
PS: I rated you a 5. Try to return the favor by listening to what I have to say.
It's way too easy to completely trash this "song" because it's a simple song about ice cream over a simple beat that got to the front page, so I'll try my hardest not to be prejudged or an ass while reviewing this "song". I'll start with the positive. The backbeat is actually good, and some of the lyrics are funny. That being said, the rest is subpar. No offense, but you're not "Weird Al", and most of the lyrics are ludicrous and fall far short of humorous, for a parody. The lyrics are delivered poorly and nasally at times, and the beatboxing was trashy. The music should have been blended along with your voice; it might have sounded better then. However, I give you 6 / 10 for making me chuckle.
I hope this isn't coming off as obnoxious or mean.
Well jesus christ it was freeflow you cant expect it to be all that great. And of course im not weird al.. this is just that Newgrounds humor for yah made by a teenager.
But as long as you chuckled, i am just fine.
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